The separation of parents and children often causes heartache for both. And when the parents don't get along, it can make matters even worse.

Here is a cautionary tale that should help keep well-intentioned parents from making a mistake that could have devastating and long-lasting effects they never imagined.

In the wake of a bitter separation and child custody dispute, a father decided that it would be better for his child if he simply stayed away and let things quiet down for a while. He knew from past experience that his former girlfriend and mother of his child was making life miserable for his daughter whenever he spent time around her or even contacted her.

He avoided all contact for a couple months. He got busy with rebuilding his life, making the best of a bad situation and hoping the future would be less confrontational. Time went by, and while he thought of his child often, he also thought she would be better off without the havoc and heartache his attentions would undoubtedly bring about.

A few months became six months before he realized it. The next thing he knew, he faced a severance action of his custody rights filed by the mother. He was distraught. But since he had voluntarily made no effort to maintain contact with his daughter, he had inadvertently imperiled his custodial rights. In the eyes of the law, he had "abandoned" her.

Arizona statute 8-531 (a) defines abandonment as "the failure of a parent to provide reasonable support and to maintain regular contact with the child, including providing normal supervision. Abandonment includes a judicial finding that a parent has made only minimal efforts to support and communicate with the child. Failure to maintain the normal parental relationship with a child without just cause for a period of six months constitutes prima facie evidence of abandonment."

If a parent has not contacted a child because they are engaged in military service, incarcerated or severely ill they may be able to claim just cause. Other than that, they will find themselves on shaky ground.

An Arizona court recently summed it up this way: "The message, put simply, is this: do something, because conduct speaks louder than words or subjective intent. When, as in the present case, circumstances prevented the unwed father from exercising traditional methods of bonding with the child, he must act presently to establish the relationship however possible, and must vigorously assert his legal rights to the extent necessary. Only then is a biological link transformed into a parental relationship deserving full constitutional protection."

So remember:do something! Call your child, pay child support, send a birthday or Christmas card, write them a letter. Whatever it is you choose to do, do something on a regular basis and keep a record of how you are trying to be a part of your child's life.