Recent Posts in Divorce Category

It seems to me that we have lost track of what it means to be civil in today's world. 

Political debates often degenerate into pointless name-calling and television programs are in competition to be the most "in your face." With all of the hostility that surrounds us, it is ever more difficult to avoid being hostile. This can be doubly true if you find yourself in the midst of a hotly contested divorce. 

With emotions running high, most people are tempted to give in to the "dark side" and lash out at the people around them. While this course of action may bring temporary relief, it only makes things worse in the long run. I'm a firm believer in the idea that what goes around comes around. 

If your spouse engages in baseless mudslinging, the best course of action is not to retaliate by slinging more mud. If left alone, the party slinging mud usually ends up the muddiest. Sometimes the most powerful and effective voice is the softest. Civility in a divorce can civilize the process, turning an enemy into a friend and an adversary into an ally. It may not be fun, but it often gets better results than open hostility.

The world seems to have forgotten the simple truth that you get more flies with honey than vinegar. Civility is not just an antiquated notion, it is the glue that helps bind civilization together in cooperation, and cooperation in a highly contested divorce is certainly sweeter than honey.   

1. Where will you live?

It's an obvious question that many people fail to consider. It is very rare for couples to successfully live in the same home while a divorce is pending. Two households are more expensive than one, so you need to figure out how to pay the extra expenses ahead of time. One's standard of living usually drops somewhat during a divorce but it's always best to have a plan.   

2. What bills will each of you pay?

Divorcing couples often sever their financial ties soon after filing for divorce - separate bank accounts and separate bills. While you may be able to cancel some joint financial obligations, you will likely have mortgage payments, insurance, car payments, etc. that both of you are obligated to pay. Leaving it to for a judge will cost you additional time and expense so it's always best to find solutions on your own.  

3. If you own a home, will you keep it or sell it?

Traditionally, if one spouse is going to keep the house they must refinance it to get the other's name off the mortgage and pay half the equity to the other spouse. The other option is to simply sell the home and split the proceeds. One result of the housing crisis has been that many people are upside down on their homes, which changes things considerably. You must look at your individual circumstances to decide what is best.

4. How are you going to divide personal property?

Generally, divorcing couples are able to divide their personal belongings but occasionally emotional attachments interfere with rational decision-making. First, identify those items that are most important to you. Prioritizing is important because odds are that your spouse's high priority items aren't the same as yours. This allows you to offer lower-priority items in exchange for higher ones. It often works out better for both parties.

5. Do you have access to short-term funds?

Divorce is expensive. You double the number of households you support without increasing your income and will likely have attorney's fees as well. This is especially difficult if you are unemployed or your spouse was the primary source of your family's income. You need to have access to a source of available funds to get you through this transitional time. Eventually, you may be able to get child support and/or spousal maintenance, but you cannot count on that to provide all of your needs. Use your savings, seek help from family members if possible. If absolutely necessary, use credit cards for cash advances or remove funds from retirement accounts to get through this difficult time.

6. What is your plan for long-term income?

There are certain time requirements set forth by statute in the state of Arizona by which a divorce may be completed. Once a party has filed for divorce and the other party is properly served the time requirements begin and the community is deemed no longer to exist for purposes of income and accruing benefits.