Divorce Strategy

Why You Must Plan Your Divorce

Preparation for your divorce is extremely important. Studying for a high school test or college final is easy – the information is readily available from the textbooks and study aids. Studying for your divorcer test is far more difficult. All of the information needed to ace the test is hidden. You have to dig for it. No one has ever taught you how to prepare for divorce. The evidence to prove you should win must be established in your favor – or you will lose.

To start, make a list of what to do once you decide to leave, then start gathering documents. If you haven’t yet done so, start interviewing attorneys with a list of questions and then hire one to represent you.

If You Are Busy…If Divorce Stresses You Out… READ THIS

Divorce is so stressful that you may feel you already have way too much going on in my life to plan your divorce. You may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have the time to work on all of these assignments, pleadings, document requests, etc.”

Think of it this way. Imagine a large glass empty jar that you begin to fill with big rocks until you can fit no more. It looks full.

But now take some smaller pebbles and pour these in. Now the jar really looks full.

Don’t stop there, though. Take sand and pour that in, and when the jar looks as full as possible, add some water.

The point of this is to show that you have to put the big rocks in first; otherwise, you'll never get them all inside. In other words, you have to schedule the most important activities first and fit the rest around them, or else the little things will overwhelm you and leave you no time for the really big things.

Each of us has many large priorities in our life, represented by the large rocks. We also have things which we enjoy doing, such as the pebbles. We have other things we have to do, like the sand. And finally, we have things that simply clutter up our lives and get in everywhere: water.

None of these are bad things. After all, we need the gamut of these objects—from large priorities to times of rest—in order to get everything done. No time management theory should be without balance, and the “I don’t have any time or energy…I’m going through a divorce!” theory is all about balance. You make time for everything, and everything simply fits well where it is supposed to fit.

Checklist: Once You Decide to Leave…

No matter how amicable you think your divorce will be, you must prepare yourself for the worst.

One man shares this story of what he experienced when first going through the stages of divorce years ago: “I’ll never forget what happened the first time that I walked into my divorce attorney’s office. Even though I had heard how he was the only one worth talking to, I’m sure I wouldn’t have told him that and when I asked him about why I should consider himself better – or different – than the others, the impression his answer made on me was as strong as the memory I have today, all these years later. ‘I do my best work in the courtroom,’ he said. So innocently, I said to him, ‘Oh, my case won’t end-up that way…this should be a pretty civil matter.’ He looked at me like I had ten heads. Then, after I was called more names than would fit on this page, he explained to me how every client starts their divorce thinking it will be fast and friendly, only to find out that their spouse is using underhanded tactics, isn’t completely honest, or is– or is on the verge – of breaking agreements.”

Protecting yourself in your divorce means planning for the worst while hoping for the best. You can take steps to protect yourself and your children while at the same time being cooperative and amicable with your spouse. Another important lesson: You can be rest assured that if your spouse has an attorney (and often even if they don’t), they are taking the similar defensive measures. Protecting yourself doesn’t mean that you have to be sneaky, mean, or money hungry. It does mean that you put yourself and your children first.”

You are either on the way or totally on your own now. You have to look out for yourself. You may have relied on your spouse in the past, but you can’t do so anymore.

Here is a checklist of the first steps you need to take upon making the decision to dissolve your marriage:

Consult an attorney. While you may not know much about lawyers and fees, at least meet with one and learn about how to hire one if you ultimately decide to.
Copy documents. A little planning goes a long way in this area because it is much more difficult to obtain these documents through discovery procedures later. If you are unsure of what documents to copy, go to our Document Checklist.
Open a separate bank account in your name. What is important is opening it, not how much you have in it. Establish your own credit and your own financial system. Talk to your attorney about how to fund it.
Get a copy of your credit report from all three credit reporting agencies: Experian, Trans Union and Equifax. Your credit report will list all credit cards and loans in your name (including those that are joint). You should close any accounts that are open but inactive to prevent future abuse by your spouse, and you’ll find out if your spouse opened any new joint accounts without your knowledge.
Safe Deposit 101: If you have a joint box that holds cash and assets, ask the bank to require both signatures to open the box. While you’re at the bank, inventory everything in said box and take pictures of any unique asset. Finally, open your own box while you’re there!
Change passwords for ATM cards, home security systems, voice mailboxes, online access to bank accounts, e-mail accounts and online sites you shop on.
Inventory household and family possessions. If you begin to notice things are missing, analyze your assets.
Review Powers of Attorney and Health Care Directives. If you have executed any power of attorney giving your spouse any authority to handle business or financial affairs on your behalf, destroy them. Do the same relating to living wills or health care proxies. If you become unable to make your own decisions, now is certainly not the time that you want to count on a former spouse (to be).
Put your children at the top of your agenda. As you realize that a divorce is imminent, you will undoubtedly spend lots of time researching, collecting documents, interviewing attorneys.Of all the parties to a divorce, children are the ones who suffer the most!
Because you have a rough road ahead, get a good Divorce Therapist on your personal team.

How to Hire an Attorney

One of the most important decisions you will make at the first stage of the divorce process is your choice of an attorney. Face it: in most cases, your attorney will be with you from start to finish as you negotiate a settlement or take your case to court.

There are many attorneys who will take your case, but most would agree that you are best suited to find an attorney who truly focuses their practice on family law matters. Think about it this way: If you needed open-heart surgery, would you go to a general practitioner? Likewise, there are many attorneys who are general practitioners. If you can’t find one who does at least half of their work on divorce matters, keep looking. Divorce is stressful enough without wondering if you have the right attorney, so use the information below to find an experienced, aggressive attorney who will represent your best interest.

Where to Find a Divorce Lawyer

Search online for divorce attorneys who focus on contested divorce, custody and parenting plans, child support issues, separation agreements and father's rights. In today’s world, you’ll be better off with one who concentrates in the area most relevant to your situation.
If you have friends, relatives or business associates who have been divorced, ask for their recommendations.
Look for an attorney who is not only qualified but whose personality matches yours or is one that you are comfortable with.
Make a list of questions you would like answered from the attorney. Make the most of your visit. Don’t get off track and use up the time on non-essential conversation.

Once you narrow down your search, meet the attorneys face-to-face and ask questions.

Questions to Ask When Interviewing Attorneys

Do you represent mainly men or women?
Do you attend continuing legal education classes and seminars? How many hours a year?
Do you feel you personally have enough time to pay attention to my case, or do you anticipate that the case will be primarily handled by an associate?
Will you personally answer and return my calls or will I be speaking mainly with your associate, secretary or paralegal?
What is your procedure for calling you outside of normal business hours if it is necessary?
What percentage of your practice involves divorce?
Would you consider yourself a litigator, negotiator, arbitrator, or mediator?
Why do you handle divorce cases? Aren’t they difficult because of all the energy and heightened emotions?
What are the different phases of my case? Describe briefly how the process will work.
This process of getting divorced and testifying in court stresses me out. Is this normal? What advice do you have for me?
(If you have children) What will my children will have to go through in this process?
What is the your attitude about joint or legal custody and what do you think the best parenting plans include?
What discovery devices will you use to make sure my spouse isn’t hiding assets?
What experts do you work with to handle things related to my divorce that may not be your area of expertise?
How do you charge for your services? Do you charge a retainer fee? How much will it be, and is it refundable in full or in part under any circumstances?
What resources can you make available to help you reduce the pain and expense of divorce.

Remember: Your attorney should engage in planning and tactics. You should be involved. Take charge and get the information you need so you can set your plan of action and tactics early-on…before your case begins.

The Client – Lawyer Relationship

Once you’ve hired an attorney, there are several factors that are critical to a successful working relationship.

To begin with, here is what you should expect from your attorney:

Your attorney works for you, and not visa versa. If you’ve got a bad lawyer or one with whom you can no longer work, there is nothing from preventing you from getting another, without inconvenience or extra cost to you.
Insist on prompt response to your phone calls and e-mails along with full attentiveness during your one-on-one meetings. Let’s face it. Most of us today are overloaded. Your attorney is no different. A common post-divorce complaint is that clients feel that their attorneys didn’t fully pay attention the critical issues and that, at times, their cases were not managed well. Get this out on the table early. This is the time to be proactive and take the bull by the horns and let the attorney know you expect them to respond when you have issues relating to your case.
Insist on regular billings, preferably on a monthly basis, setting forth, in terms that are clear to you, what you have been charged for and at what cost.
Ask for clear explanations without the legal jargon. Legal jargon is often necessary for court documents and pleadings, but ask that your attorney be sensitive enough to explain, in terms you understand, what legal words mean and what legal procedures are all about.
If settlement is possible, insist that your case be settled on terms that are fair to you.
If settlement turns out not to be possible, insist that your case be prepared for trial competently and vigorously.

Similarly, here is what your attorney has every right to expect from you:

Be honest and truthful. A relationship of trust and credibility is essential. Some clients lie or withhold information if they have done something dumb. It is unlikely that an experienced lawyer will be shocked by anything you say, and if discovery or the judge reveals a misrepresentation you have made to the attorney, you lose credibility. In short, get the skeletons out of your closet. If you have skeletons in your closet – be they financial or otherwise – discuss them with your attorney.
Do your homework and get whatever is needed to your attorney on time. As is often said in school, “the student who does the best work on their homework gets the A.” Invest an hour each week to pave the way for your attorney to do the best job on your case.
Stay in touch, but not too much. Don’t make a pest of yourself on the phone or with e-mails. If you want to spend a long time on the phone – or if you write lengthy e-mails on a regular basis – you will be less likely to have them returned promptly. In contrast, if you’re prudent with your phone calls and correspondence, the lawyer will put you at the top of the list because they know you’re not going to waste time and it will usually be quick.
Know the history of your marriage, and be familiar with your children’s lives and know what your expenses really add up to. If you’re seeking a better share of the parenting plan, higher support or lower support payments or a better chance to settle, help your attorney by knowing all details of your marital history. As it relates to finances, many tend to business and career matters and have no familiarity with the household numbers, now is the time to get acquainted with them.
Help with discovery. As this is the disclosure stage of pertinent facts and documents, you’ll both save money and help the attorney focus on legal issues instead of trying to ferret out hard-to-find information like hidden assets.

Approach Your Divorce Like a Business: Remove the Emotion and Think in Terms of Return on Investment

If you’re going to take a business approach to your divorce, it’s essential to ask yourself these three questions whenever you and your spouse are in disagreement over an issue or at a fork in the road as to whether to work through an issue or take it to court:

How much is this issue worth to me?
What is the likelihood that I’ll win that point?
How much time and money will it cost me to fight about it?

One of the biggest mistakes people make in their divorce is arguing about a specific point, taking a black-and-white approach; pay their attorney hundreds or thousands of dollars to fight the point, all without knowing what it’s really worth to you and what the legal bill will be.

Your lawyer may not ask the questions either, so it’s up to you.

The Use of Financial Experts or Forensic Accountants

Divorce – even friendly divorce – is a stressful, emotional and difficult process. When one spouse takes advantage of the other spouse to obtain a better financial settlement by intimidation, concealment or deceit, it may be characterized as fraud. The role of the forensic financial expert allows a party to discover, disclose, and assist the attorney in property recovery or rights obtained improperly by fraud.

Most forensic accountants begin their assignments by preparing a list of documents needed. Attorneys on the other side sometimes respond to these requests by calling them over-burdensome and excessive. On the other hand, when questioned as to their relevance, the expert can show how the following documents have a likelihood of leading to relevant evidence:

Financial Statements: By going back three-to-five years, these statements present a good picture of the financial condition of any person or company. They can show patterns – either upwards or downwards – and tell the story of what might need further analysis in specific areas.

Tax Returns: When signed and filed, these documents offer a valuable comparison when viewed side-by-side with other statements. Experts claim that aggressive tax positions send signals of the likelihood of hidden personal expenses or personal benefits that may not have been disclosed earlier.

Payroll Tax Returns: In small business situations, some managers or owners reduce their taxable income by paying certain people who do not provide any business services. A known fact within the financial expert circle is that these payroll records, when showed to a litigious domestic relations party, may recognize the names of these questionable employees.

The Use of Computer Investigators

More than 50 percent of information stored on computers is never reduced to printed form. Moreover, the electronic version of a document usually contains information that simply does not appear in the printed version. As a practical matter, finding information stored on computers is becoming an important part of discovery.

Perhaps the most overlooked source of electronic evidence is the home computer. Data usually ends up on them in one of two ways. First, it can be transferred to and from the workplace via e-mail. Second, an employee may transfer data back and forth via CDs or removable drives. In this situation, the home computer acts just like the employee’s office workstation. Regardless of how data is transferred, you need to find an expert who can get to this evidence and work with an attorney who can get it admitted into court. Not just any expert, but one who collects computer evidence in a forensically-sound matter.

Think of the possibilities: Palmtop devices and handheld computers include address books and calendars, plus they allow their users to make notes and use e-mail.

When computers or e-mail might come into play, we can help. The computer experts we work with are known to help us get all kinds of technical evidence admitted. They properly recover deleted, hidden, and temporary files normally invisible to the user. They prevent data from being damaged or destroyed. They safely extract relevant data which preserves the chain of custody and preserves appropriate privileges.

If there’s a cheating spouse, hidden assets or financial records, we’ve been touted as the firm who can find it. These are the skills for prosecuting divorce in the modern age.