Divorce Secrets For Men
The key to everything in your divorce is knowledge of the facts: finance, assets, liabilities, needs of your wife, concerns of the children and what the legal process entails. The importance to your wife of each element is essential if you want to minimize the trauma of the divorce process. Being a good listener is a vital quality to obtain the knowledge you need. You must also make a concerted effort to get informed. Organize your legal (wills, deed, etc.), tax (old returns, audit notes, etc.) and financial (retirement statements, investment materials, etc.) data. Understand what you have. Read, listen, ask and collect information of the documents you’ll likely need.
It’s not likely that your wife will use all of the unscrupulous strategies, but divorce books for women tell wives what they can do to get ahead:
- Use the children as hostages against your husband.
- Falsely accuse him of sexual or physical abuse. Just lie in court.
- Lie and get restraining order barring him from his house.
- Lie and get restraining orders hijacking all his bank accounts.
- Run up all his credit cards to the limit.
- Wait till he falls asleep. Rifle through his pockets.
- Does he fall asleep after sex? Have fun – then rifle through his pockets!
- If your husband pays your credit card bills, charge then return for cash refunds.
- The first one who gets to the bank is the one to empty the joint accounts.
- Criticize him daily. Accuse him of having affairs (falsely). Nag, nag, nag.
- Control your husband by being alternately loving and cold to confuse him.
The best thing that you can do is use the tactics men can use to win a larger share of the divorce pie, including how to challenge custody disputes and avoid the pitfalls of spousal maintenance clauses.
When it looks like a divorce action may be approaching your marriage, taking a proactive approach can significantly reduce the overall costs – both financially and emotionally. What follows is a practical guide to get you started:
- Outline the family financial situation: make a list of what you own, a list of what you owe, what the family income is (and where it comes from) and the family’s monthly bills and living expenses. Specify who is the named owner or owners on each asset and for each debt (home, cars, credit cards, etc.).
- Make copies of statements for all accounts your family has, such as bank account, stocks or other investments, pension funds, life insurance and so forth, as well as for income tax returns and any other family financial records.
- Do an inventory and list all the personal property or assets which belong to you and/or which you would wish to keep if a division of family property occurs.
- For now, keep it friendly. If you can keep relations amicable through the first stage, everyone will win at least a little. Vindictiveness is a poison that will hurt everyone, especially children.
- Consult an attorney. Becoming informed about your legal rights and responsibilities – along with an overview of how the process works – is the most crucial step in the divorce process. Any experience divorce attorney should be able to counsel you on the law as it applies to the facts of your situation. You should also get an initial idea on the best way for you to proceed – or not proceed.Example: You and your spouse are not getting along. Arguments are getting worse. Your spouse refuses to move out. Consequently, you decide to take the children to live with your sister until the divorce process begins, and then move back into the marital home. While technically you have a right to do this, there could be some ramifications to consider. This is just one of the things a family law attorney should be able to discuss with you during an initial consultation.
- Copy even more documents than what was suggested above. Go through the household papers and make copies of everything you can find! With our clients, our initial request includes the following:
- Tax returns for the past five years
- Bank statements
- Check registers
- Investment statements
- Retirement account statements
- Employee benefits handbooks
- Life insurance policies
- Mortgage documents
- Financial statements
- Credit card statements
- Social Security statements, etc.
A little planning goes a long way early because it is much more difficult to obtain these documents after one of the parties move out and the discovery procedure begins.
Also: If your spouse is self-employed, learn as much as you can about the business. Check the home computer for financial information, print out or copy all the files, then bring copies of all the financial data to your attorney – or a friend – as those files may later disappear or be destroyed!
- Assess your earning potential. Even if you have been out of the workplace for awhile, the court will want to determine your current employability and whether continued education would make sense. If you – or your spouse – travel for business, will that be as feasible after the divorce? What about childcare needs? All of these issues will be relevant as it pertains to your post-divorce income potential.
- Examine your credit report. Even if you do not have credit in your own name, you need to establish a credit history. Tip: Expect your credit report to be included on an initial discovery request.
- Start building a financial reserve now! You need to have access to money of your own. If you ultimately move out of the house, you’ll need upfront monies for deposits, if your spouse leaves the home and stops paying the bills you’ll need to step-up and cover them, and once you retain legal counsel you’ll likely need a $5,000+ retainer to secure representation.
- Put the children’s needs first. If divorce is imminent, you’ll be spending time interviewing attorneys, gathering documents, researching online, etc. With so much time being focused on this area, you can’t forget about the needs of your children. You will soon learn how children are those who often suffer most during a divorce. The best way that you know how, keep their routines as normal as possible. Begin thinking about the possibilities of child therapists, support groups, etc.